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Cream of the Crop 20
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Cream of the Crop 20 (Terry Blount) (1996).iso
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1996-06-13
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2,129 lines
"It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night."
WILLIE SUTTON
"If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
shopping center in the world?"
RICHARD NIXON
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit
the target."
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
"The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts."
PAUL ERLICH
Sex is hereditary -- If your parents never had it, chances are you
won't either.
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
Nobody notices when things go right.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
MARK TWAIN
"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
'user-friendly'... Their best approach, so far has been to take all
the old brochures, and stamp the words 'user-friendly' on the cover."
BILL GATES
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real
money."
EVERETT DIRKSEN
Programmers get overlaid!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!
Next time, give "The gift that keeps on giving" -- A female kitten.
On a clear disk, you can seek forever!
Happiness is a hard drive!
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
The probability of someone watching you is directly related to the
stupidity of your actions.
If Old MacDonald had a computer, would
it use Eee-aye-eee I/O?
BOB DONALDSON
"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"Damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead!"
DAVID FARRAGUT
"That packet of assorted miseries which we call a ship."
RUDYARD KIPLING
"The golden rule is that there is no golden rule."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"Sir? Am I to understand that you people sell dead, fried BIRDS here?"
PENGUIN OPUS, at Kentucky Fried Chicken (Bloom County)
"The little I know, I owe to my ignorance."
SACHA GUITRY
"By push of bayonets, no firing until you see the whites of their eyes."
FREDERICK THE GREAT
"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains."
JEAN ROSSEAU
"A great devotee of the Gospel of Getting it On"
GEORGE B. SHAW
"My duty is to obey orders."
THOMAS JONATHAN JACKSON
"A man is a old as he is feeling.
A woman is as old as she looks."
MORTIMER COLLINS
"Sentence first - verdict afterwards."
LEWIS CARROLL
"Physics is experience, arranged in economical order."
ERNST MACH
"You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren."
WILLIAM HENRY HUDSON
"Doubt is brother-devil to Despair."
JOHN BOYLE O'REILLY
"Why stop now, just when I'm hating it?"
MARVIN THE PARANOID ANDROID (Douglas Adams)
"Mr. Watson, come here, I want you."
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL
"Not bloody likely."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry."
WILLIAM SYDNEY PORTER
"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."
THOMAS ALVA EDISON
"What a woman wants is what you're out of. She wants more of a thing when
it's scarce."
WILLIAM SYDNEY PORTER
"Science is a cemetary of dead ideas, even though life may issue from them."
MIGUEL DE UNAMUNO
"Take it from me - he's got the goods."
WILLIAM SYDNEY PORTER
"We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse."
RUDYARD KIPLING
"It was as beautiful and simple as all truly great swindles are."
WILLIAM SYDNEY PORTER
"The only deadly sin I know is cynicism."
HENRY LEWIS STIMSON
"You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements."
NORMAN DOUGLAS
"Her beauty was sold for an old man's gold,
She's a bird in a gilded cage."
ARTHUR J. LAMB
"The law must be stable, but it must not stand still."
ROSCOE POUND
"Most women are not so young as they are painted."
SIR MAX BEERBOHM
"If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it."
CALVIN COOLIDGE
"Does anyone REALLY read these stupid quotes?"
The SysOp
"Say it with flowers."
PATRICK F. O'KEEFE
"All truths begin as blasphemies."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"Trust me - I know what I'm doing."
SLEDGE HAMMER
"No opium-smoking in the elevators."
WILSON MIZNER, sign in hotel he managed
"The worst cliques are those which consist of one man."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"It's a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat."
WILSON MIZNER, comment about Hollywood
"I am a One Hundred Percent American;
I am a superpatriot."
WILLIAM W. WOOLLCOTT
"Men of the South! It is better to die on your feet than to live on your
knees."
EMILIANO ZAPATA
"'Twixt the optimist and pessimist
The difference is droll:
The optimist sees the doughnut
But the pessimist sees the hole."
McLANDBURGH WILSON
"I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"There will be no beans in the Almost Perfect State."
DONALD MARQUIS
"Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knows?"
KAREL CAPEK
"Art upsets, science reassures."
GEORGES BRAQUE
"Truth exists, only falsehood has to be invented."
GEORGES BRAQUE
"There are truths which can kill a nation."
JEAN GIRAUDOUX
"There are no secrets better kept than the secret everybody guesses."
GEORGE B. SHAW
"Never give a sucker an even break."
EDWARD F. ALBEE
"There's a sucker born every minute."
PHINEAS T. BARNUM
"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
NATHAN HALE
"Think of your forefathers- Think of your posterity!"
JOHN Q. ADAMS
"Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral."
CHARLES LAMB
What's tennis without a racket?
Insanity is hereditary -- You get it from your children.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
Gravity doesn't exist: the earth sucks.
Q: What's the most popular form of birth control?
A: The headache.
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarassed zebra.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Certainly not the Halifax newspapers.
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May all your wishes be granted.
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May you live in interesting times.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Familiarity breeds.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Opening night: the night before the play is ready to open.
I did it! I found the program's last bug!
bug
bug
bug
bug
bug
bug
bug
On y soit, qui mal y pense. (You are what you think.)
Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten. (He who laughs last laughs best.)
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
C'est la vie.
As a goatherd learns his trade by goat,
so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
"The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you."
RALPH GORIN
This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
!retupmoc siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
Crittendon's 14th application of Murphy's First Law:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread
to butter.
Ginsberg's Theorems:
1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
3) You can't even quit the game.
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Chisolm's Thir